Text for screen readers
title: Brave
I wish i was brave
I wish words didn't barb my throat
I wish they didn't scratch and scrap at my insides
I want to be rid of them
But they won't come out
The cuts are infecting, bleeding
If I was braver I'd feel lighter
If I could say what I wanted
I could fight the world
But I'm not brave
The world was filled with horrors. Some beyond comprehension and others tangible and far too real. For Lucas nothing was more terrifying or evoked more dread than exam season, and the ever looming shadow of college debt. He had barely been sleeping, hardly been eating, and his hands never seemed to stop shaking. To top it all off, his roommates were loud, obnoxious, and generally dicks. He could never seem to find a moment's peace.
That is, until he found a coffee shop down the street from the library that was open 24/7. It was a dimly lit place, filled with vintage furniture, massive bookshelves you could borrow from, and a jukebox loaded up with music from just about every era. The coffee wasn't actually that good, but it was dirt cheap, and the shop was always quiet despite being fairly busy. He wasn't sure why, but the place drew in a gothic crowd. Not his usual vibe, but he could appreciate black leather and a well fitted corset.
The most important thing was that he could sit down and study without being bothered.
It was on one night, when he was sitting at a back table, caffeinated out of his mind and hands shaking more than usual, that he was approached. A pale man with dark hair and darker eyes; he was wearing a dress shirt that looked like silk and pants that looked like leather, both black. There was also a woman, dark red dyed hair, face painted porcelain white with red and black eyeshadow and black lipstick; she wore a floor length gown, red with black sheer fabric layered over it, and a black corset pulled tight around her waist and only went up to just below her bust.
Compared to many of the other regulars, they were dressed really tame, but his mouth still went dry, as the man pulled out a chair for the woman, and then joined her in sitting across from him. Before they even started speaking the man gave him a look, and for a split second there was a twitch of a smirk on his stoic face. That's when Lucas knew he was done for.
"I've seen you here a lot recently." The red head said, resting her chin on her hands. "What's your name?"
"Oh uh, Lucas!" He said a little too quickly, snapping out of his daze. "It's Lucas."
He felt her thick platform boot rubbing up and down the side of his leg and nearly yelped.
"Are you from around here?" She asked as if nothing was happening.
"T-The college down the street." Good Lord he had started to stutter. "I'm a student at the college down the street."
"Oh," She said simply, as she moved her boot from the outside of his leg to the inside.
The man hadn't said a word the entire time, just leaned back in his chair, eyes locked on Lucas, and one arm draped over the back of the women's chair. His gaze was intense. Neutral, but intense. He was just as beautiful as the woman he accompanied-
Slam!
Lucas's train of thought was cut off but the man's foot slamming down on the chair between his legs and for a second, he couldn't breathe. That look was on the man's face again, the shadow of a smirk.
"She asked you a question." The man said calmly.
"Oh uh, I'm sorry." Lucas said, snapping back to reality. "What did you say?"
"I asked if you're roommates would mind if you stayed at our place tonight?" The woman said with a little laugh.
What the fuck was happening? It's not like he'd never been picked up before, but this was completely different. This was the kind of thing you joked about but never actually happened. There was no way, right?
"Are you going to answer?" The man prompted again.
Lucas looked back and forth between the two people in front of him. This just couldn't be for real.
*****
He realized, as he sat in the back of a black car with tinted windows, that it was very possible this could go bad. They could be trying to rob him or even be serial killers for all he knew, but in the moment, he didn't care one bit. Natalia, she had told him their names when she shoved him into the car, was straddling him and kissing him harshly. She was so aggressive in her assault of his lips he wondered if she would bite him. Arche, so he had been told was her "partner’s?" name, was driving casually, as if nothing was happening in the back seat.
He was almost scared to touch her, like it would wake him up from whatever dream he was having, but pushed through the fear and wrapped his arms around her tentatively.
They didn't drive far before the car pulled over. Natalia didn't let go of him until Arche opened the door and literally yanked Lucas out by his shirt. The man dragged him into a nearby apartment building. It was rundown, bricks chipping, walls peeling, lights flashing, graffiti everywhere. Arche was shoving him around like baggage, still gripping his shirt. He was starting to think that they really were going to murder him, and when Arche shoved him into a door and started making out with him as well, he immediately stopped caring again.
The door behind him opened and he was pushed back into a dark apartment, unaware of his surroundings until the back of his legs hit a table. With hands all over him he realized how starved he'd been. How alone. He wanted this so bad, whatever this was going to be. Arche leaned over Lucas to kiss and nip at his neck, and he watched over the aggressive man's shoulder to see Natalia strutting in and slamming the door behind her. It took an agonizing moment for his eyes to adjust to the dark. Moonlight shined through the windows offering some help, and he was able to see the shape of Natalia, slowly pulling at her corset lacing. He realized why she had been dressed so simple when the corset dropped to the floor, dress falling with it. It was an easy outfit to take off.
She strutted across the room, long legs like a model, and disappeared behind him. Arche's bites were getting more aggressive, and he hissed in pain. Soothing hands touched his shoulders and Natalia's legs slid against his, and he felt her press against his back. Her lips caressed the opposite side of his neck from her partner, and her hands appeared to stroke down his torso. It was when she started unbuttoning his pants that he started fading away, disappearing into all the sensations. Pleasure and a tinge of pain. Her hands where in his pants then-
"AHHHH'' he screamed, a sharp spike of pain running through every nerve in his body. He jumped down from the table falling to the floor, hands fumble around his neck in the dark. He felt something hot and wet on his hands. He looked down at them and could only see dark on his fingers. The pair was laughing almost hysterically, and he didn't think, he just ran. Their laughter only grew louder, chasing him down the halls, echoing through the abandoned building. He ran, and he ran, and he didn't stop until he got to his dorm.
His roommates were shouting at him as he came in, but he couldn't hear anything except the sound of his own heartbeat. He went straight to the bathroom, locking the door behind. It was no wonder his roommates had started yelling. His reflection in the mirror looked like a crime scene, soaked in blood from his chin to his waist. He yanked his shirt off in a panic and looked closer in the mirror to see the two sets of puncture wounds on his neck. Fang marks.
He breathed deep, slowing his heart rate, and he came to the realization... he had completely fumbled.
(Text for screen readers)
Title: Trying
I'm trying
Everyday I get up and I try
For you
I try to live
I try to breath
I try to be everything you need of me
I'm trying so hard, can't you see?
I'm trying
Everyday I get up,
so grateful I find the strength to
It's all for you
I try to be mother, artist, lover
I try in so many directions
I don't know where I am
But I promise tomorrow,
to get up and try again
Text for screen readers title: Brave I wish i was brave I wish words didn't barb my throat I wish they didn't scratch and scrap...
